Dilemmas of a feline tantrum


It’s a preternatural skill and it results in high-pitched wailing and acts of desk-balancing that the majority cats would deal with with consummate ease, however which he incomprehensibly treats like probably the most precarious high-wire efficiency possible.

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Earlier than the coronavirus, the particular person I used to be chatting with in these conditions would invariably hear the ludicrous commotion and ask “What was that noise?”. Relying on my relationship with them I’d both say “That was my keg of a cat falling off the desk” or “Sorry, I dropped three volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica on the ground on the similar time.”

For the reason that pandemic, and the arrival of Zoom-as-work-from-home-meeting-standard, his green-eyed buffoonery has develop into more difficult to cope with.

It typically begins unembarrassingly sufficient; it will probably even be a useful ice-breaker. “Oh, who’s this? What a good-looking fellow. Oo, he’s an enormous boy, isn’t he?” and so forth and so forth.

However it turns into much less helpful when convention name members can see solely an unmoving flank of tabby fur the place my (ruggedly enticing) head ought to be for minutes on finish. It strikes into the territory of downright humiliating when the stubbornness turns right into a feline tantrum.

Colleagues or purchasers on the decision shortly progress from amusement to annoyance to horror because the blimp-like child-cat (who’s about 65 in human years) begins mewling, nipping at me, then inevitably drops from my desk within the method of a whistleblower in a B-grade drama collection being pushed from a cliff by some company villain.

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If it’s a extremely necessary assembly, I mute the mic and in probably the most calamitous conditions I flip off the digicam whereas shooing the bawling galoot out of the room and cleansing the mess from the bin he’s tipped over or the drink he’s spilled as a part of his cartoonish pratfall. That, although, tends to create suspicion and the Encyclopaedia Britannica lie is far more tough to tug off on video.

Typically I develop into very indignant and as soon as the decision is over I am going and discover him (he’s often the wrong way up in a patch of solar, having utterly forgotten the entire episode) and inform him I’m by no means patting him once more and am contemplating planting Lily of the Valley all through our backyard. Later within the day he makes sheepish inquiries concerning the availability of lodging on my knee. I sigh and let him on.

You’re a large ache within the bum, Harvey, however within the extremely unlikely occasion you are studying this, I’m very keen on you.

Obtained a work-related query? Ship it to Work Remedy: jonathan@theinkbureau.com.au

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