Peter FitzSimons | New rule will appeal to morons to netball – and that may be a good factor

It has 1,000,000 adherents in Australia each weekend for the excellent motive that it’s a great sport to play.

It teaches teamwork, selflessness and good sportswomanship.

It’s a wholesome pursuit which doesn’t contain rattling your individual or your opponents’ brains like so many male sports activities.

It has completely no report of its elite gamers partaking in atrocities on Saturday nights.

The Diamonds are actually formally one of many 4 most beloved groups within the nation, for the excellent motive that they’ve captured the creativeness of the general public, who adore the best way they carry themselves.

There’s completely nothing incorrect with the game as it’s, so why on earth would you alter a single rule about it, if you threat messing with the central guiding spirit of the entire thing?


It’s like anybody’s rattling cover to make touch upon a sport they merely don’t perceive, notably in the event that they themselves go away furrows on the seashore and it’s well-known their brains have been rattled on many events.

I imply how dare they? What would they know? Who do they suppose they’re? Would netballers dare make touch upon their brain-dead sport and counsel rule-changes for them? Huh? Huh? HUH?


(Ten metres of unprotected minefield lie forward. The author braces himself, holds his breath and makes prepared for the ultimate sprint. Demise or glory.)

Nevertheless-is-it-possible – just-attainable-I-say! – after-all-the-extraordinary-laser-like-passing-to-get-the-ball-up-the-court-against-the-derring-do-and-blocking-actions-of-the-defenders-that-the-final-act-of-scoring-is-not-fairly-the-equal-of-the-rest-of-the-sporting-spectacle-that-sees-the-ball-get-into-the-goal-square?

I imply, whereas most different crew sports activities activate the sheer drama and pleasure of the scoring act – “Strive! Strive! TRY!” “GOOOOOOOOAL! – the ultimate act in netball sees one beautifully athletic defender waving her arms in entrance of one other very good athlete who shoots and really not often misses?

And sure, I do know there’s much more to it than that. However we aren’t speaking about you and me, babe, as we’re netball nutters. We love the game and might’t get sufficient of that remaining scoring act, as a result of we recognize all of the aforementioned nuances.

No, we’re speaking about all these morons who would sooner watch the grass develop than netball being performed, even at its highest degree. And right here we’re acknowledging the reality of the matter – that for these morons, the ultimate scoring act is a bit on the … tepid aspect of issues.

Which brings me to my level.

Morons are individuals, too. And so they make the turnstiles swing, and the TV rankings click on upwards. The place would most sports activities be with out having the assist of morons? I let you know what, the soccer codes could be utterly misplaced with out them, notably rugby union!

And so my pals, I say unto you.

Can it’s any dangerous factor, for netball to make a transfer to please morons too?


And with that in thoughts, can’t we are saying that the just-announced rule adjustments for netball – their very own reply to basketball’s three-pointers, whereby for the ultimate 5 minutes of every half you may get two-points per purpose if shot from a enough distance – is, you realize, simply probably a good factor?

No, it isn’t nice for us purists. As a result of we all know that the sport is improbable as is. However couldn’t we netball purists on this occasion do what we’ve got at all times performed so nicely and take one for the crew?

Doesn’t such a rule change steer netball to the extra dramatic scoring shot, which is able to see extra morons attending, extra morons watching, and customarily higher curiosity in netball, which is able to in the end profit us purists?

My netballer nutter pals, I repeat. For too lengthy our nice sport has turned our again on morons. By catering to them and their absurd wants, we not solely take care of simpletons, we make our nice sport even higher!


I will likely be in my trailer. Please ship the surgeons my means. I consider I could have misplaced a leg.

Twitter: @Peter_Fitz

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